People often ask me “Ernie, how can you so consistently churn out so much material for this blog? Between your epic length posts and your extensive commentary and analysis, there must be little time to do anything else? Do you have a job or are you just some sort of freeloader with a computer?” I find this odd because Ernie is only my pen name and I rarely speak to actual people. But it is a fair question. Sadly, you may not like the answer. Yes I have a job, and while this is a hobby it is habit-forming. To support my writing habit I’ve taken a few shortcuts. All my adjectives and adverbs come pre-packaged from ChuckThisBlog’s tech support in India, and I’ve farmed out all the actual watching of episodes to some enterprising Chinese university students. That’s the reason we had to do the Firefly re-watch this summer. They get a big kick out of the actors’ funny accents and they love that none of us get the curses and insults in Chinese. Oddly Firefly is rated NC-17 in China. More shocking admissions, and some speculation, after the jump.
If you haven’t figured it out by now my big secret to turning out mounds of drivel is typing. When I don’t know what to write about I start to type. Sooner or later the creative and artistic me who has been sulking in the corner like a Holden Caulfield wannabe, starts to feel neglected and starts peeking over the shoulder of the part of me that apparently just likes to type. Eventually he starts to speak up with things like “hey say he’s sulking like a Holden Caulfield wannabe”, and if I type long enough he eventually takes my place at the keyboard.
Ok, still sulking. Apparently he didn’t appreciate the Holden Caulfield joke. But I do actually have something to write about today, and like the crack monkey in the lab I’m hitting the button ’cause I really need my fix. Since “Holden” is unavailable and I’m jonesin’ for some comments to reply to I’ll have to do it myself. Now all I need is some profound topic so I can wax poetic on the human condition as represented in Chuck or about how the intersect really represents Pandora’s box in greek mythology…
Yep, still sulking. When all else fails, tell the truth. I really want to speculate and lately I’ve had a few random thoughts about doing a fanfic for season 4. Then I saw this, and everything fell into place. Speculation is my b*tch. Before I start however I want to make several things clear. One, this is pure speculation. We don’t even really know if these are for Chuck. My guess is they are for a Comicon video. Two, that is pure speculation too. I have no idea what those shots are for. For all I know he’s doing a commercial for Slazenger. Three, that was off the top of my head too, it’s more speculation. Four, I really have to stop this and get on with the topic at hand, wild speculation that I can’t support with any argument whatsoever. But it is fun.
So why is Chuck golfing? I have a theory. (Shocking, I know.) Actually to be more precise I have a pre-existing train of thought that turned into a way to generate a story, then to thoughts of a fanfic, and then I thought of a way I could use the pictures of Zach golfing to construct and justify a post speculating on my pet theories as a direction Chuck may take in season 4. Yeah, he’s still sulking, why do you ask?
So here’s my rather warped thought process, which started in season 2 and has only gained momentum since. How did Orion manage to travel the world to such exotic places as Hong Kong, 100 miles east of Barstow, Burbank, Encino and Bishop County California? OK fine, but Hong Kong to LA, you’ve at least got to give me that one. He had resources. Orion had to have a source of income to fund his travels, his inventions, his computers, a cabin in the woods a trailer on a hilltop, a jeep and keeping the family house for some 20 years. So Orion had a source of income.
We could speculate that hacking bank accounts would be his easiest recourse, but that makes him a thief, even if he is stealing from international crime syndicates. Perhaps he has some sort of fee collection device for Orion’s services? But then that makes him a mercenary, even if he only takes on noble work and fights the good fight.
The most obvious source to me? Orion is above all, an engineer and an inventor. Some of Orion’s inventions could be patented and then either sold or leased. To do this he probably had some sort of holding company. He’d be the eccentric founder but largely hands off otherwise, keeping the patents in his name and drawing money from the holding company for the rights to their use. I know, in Dream Job he said Roark stole everything from him, but at a certain point when he and Roark parted ways Stephen’s work would be his own. So now that Stephen J. Bartowski is dead, what will happen to those resources and that property? Obviously there must be some legal means to transfer ownership of things like a house in Encino, a jeep, or cabin in the hills to his legal heirs. My guess, Chuck Bartowski and Ellie Woodcomb are about to come into a sizable inheritance, and perhaps even the ownership of a company. Bruce Wayne, meet Chuck Bartowski, millionaire and new owner of Stephen J. Bartowski Enterprises Inc. Time to work on your golf game Chuck.
And that dear friends is how I attempt to generate approximately one thousand words (give or take) to hopefully construct a facsimile of a thought-provoking and mildly funny and entertaining post from nothing whatsoever other than an idea I had that could be summarized in a paragraph and a picture I saw. Hey, when writers block hits and I need my fix, typing will have to suffice.